Who’s On First?Bud: You know, strange as it may seem, they give baseball players peculiar names nowadays. On the St Louis team, we have Who’s on first, What’s on second and I don’t know is on third. Lou: That’s what I want to find out, I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St Louis team.

Bud: I’m telling you. Who’s on first, what’s on second, I don’t know is on third!

Lou: You know the fellow’s names?

Bud: Yes

Lou: Well then, whose playing first?

Bud: Yes.

Lou: I mean the fellow’s name on first base.

Bud: Who.

Lou: The fellow’s name on first base for St Louis.

Bud: Who

Lou: The guy on first base

Bud: Who is on first base

Lou: What are you asking me for?

Bud: I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. Who is on first!

Lou: I’m asking you, who is on first?

Bud: That’s the man’s name

Lou: That’s whose name?

Bud: Yes

Lou: Well, go ahead and tell me

Bud: Who

Lou: The guy on first

Bud: Who

Lou: The first baseman

Bud: Who is on first

Lou: (Getting worked up) Have you got a first baseman on first?

Bud: Why certainly

Lou: Well, all I am trying to find out is what’s the guy’s name on first base

Bud: Oh, no, no. What is on second base

Lou: I’m not asking you whose on second

Bud: Who’s on first

Lou: That’s what I’m trying to find out

Bud: Well, don’t change the players around

Lou (shouting): I’m not changin’ anybody!

Bud: Take it easy man

Lou: What’s the guy’s name on first base?

Bud: What’s the guy’s name on second base

Lou: I’m not asking whose on second

Bud: Whose on first

Lou: I don’t know

Bud: He’s on third. We’re not talking about him

Lou: How could I get on third base?

Bud: You mentioned his name

Lou: If I mentioned the third baseman’s name, who did I say is playing third?

Bud: No, who’s playing first

Lou: Stay offa first will ya??!

Bud:Please, now what is it you’d like to know?

Lou: What is the fellow’s name on third base?

Bud: What is the fellow’s name on second base

Lou: I’m not asking you whose on second.

Bud: Who’s on first

Lou: I don’t know

Both together: Third base!

Lou: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Bud: Certainly.

Lou: Who gets the money?

Bud: Every dollar of it

Lou: When you give the guy the money, who gets it?

Bud: Yes. He’s entitled to it. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Lou: Whose wife?

Bud: Yes.

Lou: Look, when you give the guy a receipt, how does he sign it?

Bud: Who

Lou: The guy you give the money too

Bud: Who. That’s how he signs it

Lou: You got an outfield?

Bud: Certainly

Lou: St Louis has got a good outfield?

Bud: Oh, absolutely

Lou: The left fielder’s name?

Bud: Why.

Lou: I don’t know, I just thought I’d ask

Bud: Well, I just thought I’d tell you

Lou: Then tell me, who’s playing left field?

Bud: Who’s playing first

Lou: Stay outta the infield!! I wanna know what’s the fellow’s name in left field?

Bud: What’s on second

Lou: I’m not asking you who’s on second

Bud: Who is on first

Lou: I don’t know

Together: Third base!

Bud: Now take it easy man!

Lou: And the left fielder’s name?

Bud: Why

Lou: Because

Bud: Oh, he’s in centre field

Lou: Wait a minute, you gotta pitcher on the team?

Bud: Wouldn’t this be a fine team without a pitcher

Lou: I don’t know. What’s the pitcher’s name

Bud: Tomorrow

Lou: You don’t want to tell me today?

Bud: I’m telling you man

Lou: Then go ahead

Bud: Tomorrow

Lou: What time?

Bud: What time what?

Lou: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who’s pitching?

Bud: Now listen. Who is not pitching. Who is on-

Lou: I’ll break your arm is you say whose on first

Bud: Then why did you ask me?

Lou: I want to know what’s the pitcher’s name!

Bud: What’s on second

Lou: I don’t know

Together: Third base!

Lou: You got a catcher?

Bud: Sure

Lou: the catcher’s name?

Bud: Today

Lou: Today. And tomorrow’s pitching.

Bud: Now you’ve got it

Lou: That’s all, St Louis has got a couple of days on the team! that’s all.

Bud: Well, I can’t help that. What you want me to do?

Lou: I’m a good catcher too you know

Bud: I know that

Lou: I would like to play for St Louis someday

Bud: Well, I might arrange that

Lou: I would like to catch. Now Tomorrow’s pitching on the team, and I’m catching

Bud: OK

Lou: Tomorrow throws the ball, and the guy gets up and bunts the ball

Bud: yes

Lou: So when he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I want to throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Who?

Bud: Now, that’s the first thing you’ve said right!

Lou: I don’t even know what I’m talking about!

Bud: Well, that’s all you have to do

Lou: I throw it to first base

Bud: Yes

Lou: Now who’s got it?

Bud: Naturally

Lou: Who has it?

Bud: Naturally

Lou: Naturally?

Bud: Naturally.

Lou: I throw the ball to naturally

Bud: No, you throw the ball to Who!

Lou: Naturally

Bud: Naturally

Lou: So I throw the ball to who?

Bud: Naturally

Lou: Same as you! Same as you!

Bud: You throw the ball to who, Who gets it.

Lou: He’d better get it!

Bud: That’s it. All right now, don’t get excited. Take it easy

Lou (in a right state now): Now I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second.

Bud: Uh-huh.

Lou: Who picks up the ball and throws it to what. What throws it to I don’t know. I don’t know throws it back to tomorrow. Triple play!

Bud: Could be

Lou: Another guy gets up, and it’s a long fly-ball to Because. Why? I don’t know, he’s on third and I don’t give a darn

Bud: what was that?

Lou: I said I don’t give a darn!

Bud: Oh, that’s our short stop!

LOU: ABBOTT!